I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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