I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
im holly from the hills drunk
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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