Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
BRING THE BAGELS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
