If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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