just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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