Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
