your thong is hanging out like whoa
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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