There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
