he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
