What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
tell me about the eggs
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
