i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
