Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
