Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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