Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
