I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
