I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
