WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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