yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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