she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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