I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
