If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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