you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
