you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
