a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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