His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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