Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
