He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
