so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
