the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
