come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
