I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
