Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
