who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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