but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
