I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
