I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
