just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
