considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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