How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
It's rum buckets o'clock
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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