My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
