remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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