hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
