I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
