if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
