you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
