I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
