last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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