omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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