My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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