At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
