Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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